Embarrassment Is A Choice

From the time that I was a pre-teen through my mid-20s, I was pretty easily embarrassed - especially when I was younger. And it showed especially well on me: my cheeks would burn red hot.

From my mid-20s through my early 30s, I cared less about what others thought, but still got embarrassed more than I cared for.

However, I rarely get embarrassed in social situations any more, and I’m allowing the feeling less and less these days.

I don’t think it’s a matter of getting older, I imagine it’s a matter of getting wiser. Particularly wiser to the fact that we are in control of our own emotions.

I know - now - that the embarrassment I felt then was mostly because I thought I should be embarrassed. Either I’d seen people in similar situations behaving in an embarrassed manner (most likely on TV) or I was told by those around me that I should be embarrassed (even if they didn’t directly say so).

Because I know that our feelings are our signal as to whether or not we’re in alignment with our spirit, I am becoming really careful of the feelings I’m allowing myself to have.

Besides, it’s my mission to be the happiest person I know, and embarrassment and happiness do not fit together in the same body… being embarrassed cancels out my happiness.

I simply can’t allow embarrassment if I want to be happy.

Of course, all of our emotions are a choice. And I work at consciously choosing my emotions in any given moment. I say “work” because it is work for me - it’s often difficult, too.

With certain feelings I have right now, it’s like I’m Cinderella scrubbing the castle floors with a bucket of cold water and a straggly old scrub brush.

I imagine that eventually it will be as easy as flipping the switch of a Roomba on.

Embarrassment, as an emotion, is kind of like a baby step for me - like using hot water instead of cold on that floor. In the near future I’ll have total and complete control over all of my emotions… well, mostly.

Choosing not to be embarrassed when others might think I should has allowed me to feel a lot better about myself, even a lot stronger. Let me give you a recent example.

My family was on our way to attending an event in our town, one at which we knew we knew we’d be for hours. While there would be lots of food available, we knew we wanted to spend the majority of our money on “fun things” (meaning rides for the kids). So we decided to save money on food by going to a nearby fast food restaurant.

As we pulled up to pay in the drive-thru lane, I handed Dave my debit card, confident that my balance would cover the charge as I had been tracking my charges diligently.

However, the clerk handed back the card saying it was denied. My husband started getting a bit frantic, and I asked the clerk to run it again.

Denied again.

I was a bit frustrated and indignant. Dave, on the other hand, was getting flustered, his actions getting jerky and his manner towards me was sarcastic and brusque. No matter how much I tried to convince Dave that I knew I had the money, he continued to make comments insinuating that I obviously didn’t know anything about my account.

I pulled out another card to pay (all the while getting more sarcasm from my husband) and we pulled forward to get our food. An argument ensued: I kept telling my husband that he needn’t be embarrassed - I wasn’t and it was my card that was denied - and Dave kept telling me that I should be because obviously I was wrong.

Still, no matter how much Dave (and probably the clerk) thought I should be embarrassed back at the drive-thru window, I wasn’t going there. As I sat in my seat watching Dave grow more and more embarrassed, I decided that even if I *had* miscalculated my balance, I wouldn’t be embarrassed.

My advice to you, as it was to Dave, is something that has stuck with me from one of Dr. Wayne Dyer’s books I read years ago:

Be independent of the good opinion of other people.

I want to put that in bold and a super large font, because it is so important.

It means that we choose our actions based on the way they make us feel, that make us authentic to ourselves, NOT in ways that we think will make other people think well of us.

Yes, I still have things that will embarrass me, and I avoid some situations so that I avoid embarrassment. But the things on the following list of “embarrassing issues” from Vat19.com slash blog do not embarrass me at all:

1. Minor Inconveniences

• Toilet paper on shoe
• tag sticking out
• hair out of place

2. Unpleasant

• Bra strap showing
• visible panty line
• deodorant marks on clothing
• food on shirt

3. Cringeworthy

• Food in teeth
• food on face
• too much perfume or cologne
• “nose goblins”
• LOTS of food on shirt

4. Nothing a Sick Day or Two Can’t Cure

• Crack “issues”
• Body Odor
• Zipper Undone

5. Worth Getting a New Job, Address, and Identity

• Zipper undone while going commando
• curious “stains”

In fact, some of them make me wonder why somebody would get embarrassed at all. I mean, why get embarrassed if your tag is sticking out? Still, I remember getting embarrassed about this situation as well as wondering how to tell an acquaintance about their tag that was sticking out. Now, though, I’ll tell strangers that their tags are sticking out, and my first thought is “to save them embarrassment from others”.

People make mistakes or miss something or something happens over which they have no control (think flatulence).

Everybody does it! What is there to be embarrassed about?

The only thing causing our embarrassment is what we think other people are thinking about us in that situation.

And we can never be sure what somebody else is thinking unless they tell us directly.

What are you usually embarrassed by? Are you going to continue allowing yourself to be embarrassed?

Just remember that nobody else has control over what you feel, ever.

EVER!

And if you want to feel good, don’t allow yourself to feel bad. Do it in baby steps.

Remember your power. Feel your power. Embrace your power.